WHEW....

Well I had me some church yesterday right here in my bedroom!! I've been listening to Beth's Romans study online and I've caught up thru Oct. 8th. She started on June 25th (day before the NATIONAL holiday - my birthday haha) and we're only on the 3rd chapter!!! GOOD stuff! If you haven't listened...you need to!

Yesterday was a pivot point that started at vs. 32 of Chpt. 3. "BUT NOW...". From Romans 1:18 to 3:20 Paul has been "beatin' down" the people in Rome. I mean...BEATIN' DOWN!! Of course, every word applies to us too! OUCH! "But now" begins the transition from the old covenant to the new covenant in Jesus. I don't wanna give it all away, but land sakes people...GO LISTEN TO IT! Even if you don't listen to the whole series, go and listen to Oct. 8! You will shout!

So then I went to church last night and as much as I hate to say this Wed. night is starting to not be a blessing to me. ESPECIALLY this time of year! I work with the middle school choir from 5:30 to 6:15 then go to the elementary kids choir from 6:30 to 8:00pm. Now, don't get me wrong. I signed up for the job and love it -- most of the time! However, with the Charlotte Christmas Experience coming next weekend it's tough! (Would LOVE for ya'll to come if you can!!)

The next 2 weeks is going to be WILD and it all starts tomorrow night with our Sunday school Christmas party. Practice Sat, Sun, Mon, Wed and doors open Friday! SCARY!!! I'm singing with the choir, obviously, helping make sure the middle school kids are where they're supposed to be, leading the elementary kids with their "choreography" and singing with "One Voice" in the Christmas Village. WHEW...tired just from typing all that. All I can say is thank you Jesus for a man who loves it as much as I do and is willing to go and help me with MY kids!

So, pray for me during this time. My lupus tends to "act up" when I'm stressed so I'm doing my best to stay calm and to lean on the Father even more. Not sure how much posting I'll get done but I'll let you know how things are going.

"It's the most wonderful time of the year!" =)

Desire of my heart....

As this holy season approaches I find myself with a new found desire to love Jesus more. Not to go deeper in the Word, not to do more studies, not to serve more, just to love Jesus more. (those things will follow) I remember after losing my 1st baby telling a friend that it made me fall in love with my boys (Kayley wasn't born then) all over again. I mean, when they came into the world - well, as soon as I heard their heartbeat, really - I was taken. They had my heart. But when I saw their face...it was pure-T LOVE!

When all my kids were born one of the first things I did was sing to them. Now, I'd like to be all "spiritual" and tell you I sang to them about Jesus but all I could sing was "The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face". I sang it to all 3 of them. The song still makes my momma heart cry. (I know it's about a lover, but it can be a baby too) Don't think too bad of me, I've been singing Jesus to them ever since! haha But after losing a child, after pain, after loss, after struggle to cope, my love for them grew deeper, richer and stronger.

This season, which is so difficult for me and my family in so many ways, I find myself clinging to Jesus more and more. He's all I have! He's all I want and need! I guess it's the very difficult "stuff" that makes me love Him deeper, richer and stronger. To want more of Him. To feel His touch. To smell His breath. To hear His voice. I have loved Jesus more years than I can remember but it just amazes me that after all this time it's like I've never loved Him more. That's the way loving relationships go don't they? Deeper and more fulfilling. This song that is sung as Mary means so much to me during this season and I pray He becomes your hearts' desire too.

How could I know I would love You so,
Looking at You now my precious child?
Tiny baby boy, the Father's sweetest joy,
Given to me for a little while.

Jesus, You are all the desire of my heart.
O, I never knew this longing in my soul could be filled.
O, Jesus, You are all the desire of my heart.
And I wondered what the purpose of my life was until
Today I saw your face and softly spoke your name - Jesus.

How could He know I could walk this road
That brought me to this moment here and now?
Whatever you must do, I can promise you
His grace will hold you up someway, somehow.

Jesus, You are all the desire of my heart.
O, I never knew this longing in my soul could be filled.
O, Jesus, You are all the desire of my heart.
And I wondered what the purpose of my life was until
Today I saw your face and softly spoke your name - Jesus.

For Holly....

Sweet sister! I'm so sorry to hear about the difficulties you're facing. Know that before the foundations of this world were made the Creator - our Abba Daddy - knew that this season would come in your life! He has a plan for it. The enemy is going to do his best in the coming months to try to distract you and your husband with the worries of this situation, with the strain of it and with anything else he can think of but PLEASE remember WE WIN! HE IS DEFEATED ALREADY!!!

My husband and I have been where you are. In fact, in the last year and a half we visited that place 4 times for a total of 9 months!! The enemy did his best to try and tell me to give up. Give up on staying home with my kids and my man when he needed me the most. Give up on my marriage, there was someone more stable out there for me. Give up on my church, no one there really cared about us. Give up on God, after all HE did this to me. All I can tell you is..GOD IS IN CONTROL! He put people in my path to encourage me, He sent me to retreats (that I CERTAINLY didn't have the money for, but HE provided) to strengthen me, He provided. Girl, He provided in ways that BLEW MY MIND!! I remember once getting a check in the mail from our insurance company because we had OVERPAID our premium! HAVE YOU EVER?! I just fell onto the bed laughing at God!

These are a few passages that I flagged in my Sword during all this time. Some of them are familiar, I'm sure, but they SURE breathed fresh life into me during our battle. James 1:2-4, I Kings 8:56-60 (this is about Israel, but read it and plug your name in), Matthew 6:25-34, Isa 50:7-9 and of course just about all the Psalms. Visit that book often, sweet sister! Send your man to those verses as well!!

I'll leave you with a Psalm that I read almost daily during this time. I love you and I'll be praying for your family! Pick up your Sword, have your man pick up his Sword and prepare for battle sister! It will be won when your souls are quiet enough to keep the enemy from distracting it with the "noise" of your situation.

"My heart is not proud, O Lord, my eyes are not haughty; I do not concern myself with great matters or things too wonderful for me (like worrying over this situation). But I have stilled and quieted my soul; like a weaned child with its mother, like a weaned child is my soul within me. O Holly, put your hope in the Lord both now and forevermore." Ps 131 (with my inserts)

Jacob's limp.

First I'll give a brief update on my holiday. It was REALLY good. There was ZERO drama with the family, ZERO fights with the little ones (they really did a great job this trip since all their cousins are much older), ZERO tears shed, except listening to my nephew talk about missing his daddy, and ZERO leftovers!!! haha God was faithful once again! As if He could be anything less. I prayed for the holiday to go smoothly, my friends prayed for my mom and I to well...just get along, I prayed for safe travel, I prayed for no drama and He answered!! He is good!

I will just ask that you pray for my sweet nephew J.R. I so often ask for you to pray for Rach but J needs it too. This time of year - especially Thanksgiving - is SOOOOOO hard on him! He always went hunting with his dad and since his death it's just tough. What throws a little salt into this still fresh wound is the fact that his grandfather has a ton of property for J to hunt on but will only allow him to come on HIS terms. Long story. His grandparents on his dad's side aren't Christians and have some "issues" let's just say. So that's a HUGE prayer request too!

So, we're doing this O.T. study and we're on the story of Jacob/Esau/Rachel/Leah/Laban. Don't you know that before I left I did my study that morning and the title was "Healing Broken Relationships". Now, don't think for one minute that wasn't a GOD-thang! I ASSURE you that it most certainly was! He was reminding me to not put that chip on my shoulder and that it's ok to have boundaries in a relationship - even with family - but it's the heart that He's most concerned with. Does He expect us to "take it" from our families? At times, yes, but often it's no. Sometimes it's for their good for us to take it - or for our own good - but sometimes it's ok for us to say "enough" - in LOVE of course and not anger.

So God wrestled with Jacob - changed his name - and left him with a limp. Here's the funny thing. Typically when there's "drama" with my family I get involved even when I'm not the target. I know. Stupid, but sometimes God has to just hit me upside this hard head of mine! Anyway, God wrestled with me all weekend before I left. I argued with Jimmy. I got annoyed with a friend. God was wrestling and I was avoiding. Finally, I wrestled back. (HE WON OF COURSE) Then all weekend I had to limp because of my hip! TRULY! Sometimes my lupus really hits hard when I travel and AS SOON as I got out of the car I started to limp. I limped all weekend and I'm still limping today. Will it be permanent? Only God knows. However, the impact of that limp wasn't lost on me this weekend. The times when comments could've caused me to "go there" my limp got worse! IT'S THE TRUTH!! God just cracks me up ya'll!!

Now please don't think I'm comparing myself to Israel, because by no stretch of the imagination am I, but God (LOVE THAT) did a work in me this weekend and I'm still just in shock from the whole thing. I'm still limping! He's so good ya'll.

Lord God, thank you for my limp. Whether I have it the rest of my days or it goes away this day, I thank you for it! I praise you for changing my name! Change it as often as it needs it!! I love you Abba Daddy and I will praise your name forever!

Give thanks....

Well I'm off today to WV. Going to my sister's to spend the holidays with the whole "brood". It's gonna be a tough weekend because Jimmy can't go with me and I just HATE being away from him - especially on holidays. My sweet friend Beth invited him to come eat with her and her family so he won't have to have a bologna sandwich. He's so awesome to let me go - with his blessing. He wants our kids to have that connection with our extended family and not miss it just because he has to work. He's so good to me!!

The Lord has been so good to me. I could spend hours telling you all the things He's done in my life, ways He's provided, prayers He's answered, protection He's given, on and on. As I approach this week I have so many things to be thankful for. My man! Can't believe he still loves me after all this time and all the junk I've put him thru!!! I'm not easy to live with ya'll. (goes back to that "drama" thing) My babies! Land sakes they make me wanna pull my hair out sometimes but I can't even imagine my life without them. They are so uniquely different but so loving, caring and down right funny! (not sure where that comes from) My family. Can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em. JUST KIDDING! I'm anxious to spend some time with my sisters laughing in the kitchen. My brother in the other room making fun of us while we "serve" him. My mom giving directions from her spot in the dining room. Are we predictable or what?! haha

Most of all I'm thankful that God, the Creator of the heavens and earth, the Maker of the stars, the Redeemer of men chose to look on this dark heart and bara it! Change it, make it His!! I'm thankful that He loves and cares for me and gives me DAILY mercy - Hourly for that matter!!! I'm thankful that He's given me a church family that I love and an AWESOME place to serve Him. I'm thankful that He hears and answers my prayers. I'm thankful that one day He'll take me to His home and for all eternity I can say "Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lord God Almighty"! (hang on, gotta run again...K, I'm back! haha) I'm thankful that He sustains me and cares for me. I'm thankful for the air He gives me to breathe, for the way He keeps my heart running. I'm thankful ya'll. Just thankful!! Take time this week to thank Him!

"Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." I Thess 5:18

Ya'll better look out!!!

It's been a WILD day! Can't believe I'm posting this late! Getting ready to go to WV for the holiday so I've been climbing Mt. Laundry today and trying to find my son's project that he "lost"! UGH!

So, let me just tell all you "Grover's" who missed church last night...GET THE VIDEO!!!!!! Land sakes, Dr. Rummage brought it on!! He's been doing a series on Sun. nights about worship and last night was all about the continual worship we'll do in heaven. I won't even attempt to tell you about it, but if you can't get the video you can go to the site and listen to the sermon! WHEW!! Good stuff! After church I went to Dr. Rummage and told him that it was all I could do not to get up and run a couple laps around the sanctuary - or just lay down on the floor on my face!!! YA'LL, I'M NOT KIDDING!!! I even told Jimmy "I'm fixin to run" and he told me I'd better not because Dr. Rummage might throw something at me! haha Anyway, I told Dr. Rummage that and ya'll know what our little "proper" preacher said..."Well girl, next time you better take off! You know all we need is one person to get it started." So I go, "Is that my green light?" He goes "Go on girl!" So ya'll better just look out! I'm gonna take off on one side of the church and Melissa already told me that if I take off one way, she'll go the other!!! LOL!!! Can you imagine?! You know one of the deacons would either tackle us or trip us! hahahaha

Anyway, ya'll know I wouldn't do that right? (yeah right!) The ONLY reason I wouldn't is because I wouldn't want people getting caught up in the drama of it and not understand WHY I'm doing it! I just love me some Jesus ya'll! I think about what He's done for me. How He provides, how He forgives, how He loves, how He sustains, how He...I could go on and on! (Hang on, I gotta run right now!!....K I'm back! ;-)) For those who don't know me well I'm a bit on the "dramatic" side. (Nah, you say?) So it's difficult for me to comprehend that someone sitting in their seat, staring straight ahead with absolutely NO expression on their face is in a state of true worship. Don't understand it! Not saying it can't happen, but when I praise I do it from the top of my head to the bottom of my feet.

Please don't think I'm putting down anyone who's different from me. I assure you that I'm not. My sister Regina, now she has some worship but all you see is a little tear trickling down her cheek. So, I know it can and DOES happen without all the "drama" - and believe it or not, I have settled down a LOT in my old age - but still when the preacher is talking about God on the throne and the four beasts around Him CONSTANTLY saying "Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lord God Almighty..." and the 24 elders CONSTANTLY saying "Worthy, Worthy, Worthy" well that makes me wanna run some laps!!!! So, like I said, get the video or GO LISTEN TO THE SERMON, put on your running shoes and do some laps around your house!!! I'm going to! teehee

My Josh's favorite for Weekend Worship

I just love that my baby says "Mom, turn it up!" every time this song comes on!! Thank you Jesus!!