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Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Desire of my heart....

As this holy season approaches I find myself with a new found desire to love Jesus more. Not to go deeper in the Word, not to do more studies, not to serve more, just to love Jesus more. (those things will follow) I remember after losing my 1st baby telling a friend that it made me fall in love with my boys (Kayley wasn't born then) all over again. I mean, when they came into the world - well, as soon as I heard their heartbeat, really - I was taken. They had my heart. But when I saw their face...it was pure-T LOVE!

When all my kids were born one of the first things I did was sing to them. Now, I'd like to be all "spiritual" and tell you I sang to them about Jesus but all I could sing was "The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face". I sang it to all 3 of them. The song still makes my momma heart cry. (I know it's about a lover, but it can be a baby too) Don't think too bad of me, I've been singing Jesus to them ever since! haha But after losing a child, after pain, after loss, after struggle to cope, my love for them grew deeper, richer and stronger.

This season, which is so difficult for me and my family in so many ways, I find myself clinging to Jesus more and more. He's all I have! He's all I want and need! I guess it's the very difficult "stuff" that makes me love Him deeper, richer and stronger. To want more of Him. To feel His touch. To smell His breath. To hear His voice. I have loved Jesus more years than I can remember but it just amazes me that after all this time it's like I've never loved Him more. That's the way loving relationships go don't they? Deeper and more fulfilling. This song that is sung as Mary means so much to me during this season and I pray He becomes your hearts' desire too.

How could I know I would love You so,
Looking at You now my precious child?
Tiny baby boy, the Father's sweetest joy,
Given to me for a little while.

Jesus, You are all the desire of my heart.
O, I never knew this longing in my soul could be filled.
O, Jesus, You are all the desire of my heart.
And I wondered what the purpose of my life was until
Today I saw your face and softly spoke your name - Jesus.

How could He know I could walk this road
That brought me to this moment here and now?
Whatever you must do, I can promise you
His grace will hold you up someway, somehow.

Jesus, You are all the desire of my heart.
O, I never knew this longing in my soul could be filled.
O, Jesus, You are all the desire of my heart.
And I wondered what the purpose of my life was until
Today I saw your face and softly spoke your name - Jesus.

3 comments:

Nicki said...

Girl, it's to early in the day to be bringing on the tears!!!! Oh my....that was so sweet! I'm so sorry about your losses. I'm sure that place will always stay very raw in your soul, or so I can imagine it would.

This is hard time of year for me too.....for various reasons. But, I refuse to let it steal the joy of the meaning of it all, even if other's don't cheerish Mary's heart like you and I do....it's ok. I love the words to that song!!

Leigh Gray said...

who sings or wrote that song?? beautiful!!

Leigh

Melissa said...

I am finding that this season is hard for many of the people that I love. I hate that it is hard, but I know that as this time comes around each year He is teaching us something new about who He is and how He will meet our needs. He is the desire of my heart too! Love worshipping with you! I am praying for you my friend!