Forgiveness

Oh how my heart hurts today for my friends Tim and Lori. They are burying their 21 year old son today who was killed in a motorcycle accident on Saturday. Oh Lord, please don't ever make me go thru that. I've given 2 babies to you already but they were babies I never actually got to hold. I can't even imagine it and pray I never have to!

The man who hit their son has multiple convictions, has been jailed 4 times in the last 2 years, and was driving a stolen vehicle with no driver's license. He fled the scene and then removed the tags from the car so the police couldn't find it. Unreal. My first initial reaction was to get angry and say "What was he thinking?" but then the Lord reminded me of the MANY times He's shook His holy head at me and wondered the very same thing! (Not that He didn't know what I was thinking, of course He already did!)

Today I'm thinking about forgiveness. Could I forgive someone who took one of my children from me? I can honestly say, I don't know! I'd love to say that with God's help I could but I have been learning lately that the sin of unforgiveness runs VERY deep in my family. Unforgiveness for things done in anger, unforgiveness for things done in pride, unforgiveness for hurt feelings, unforgiveness for things said in anger and in gossip. My dad came from a large family (12 kids) so there was a LOT of room for hurt feelings! So would I forgive someone...I can TRULY say that it would have to come from God and with Him all things ARE possible. After all, He forgave me when I took His Son from Him!!!!

That's what His love is all about. That's why in the midst of all this hurt for my friends I'm choosing love. I'm gonna love my husband more openly, I'm gonna love my kids more unconditionally, I'm gonna love my brother and my sisters more frequently and I'm gonna love my mom despite the past. I'm gonna tell my friends I love them more and not just assume they know it. I'm choosing love. I pray that you'll choose it to! It is a choice - and not an easy one sometimes - but I choose to love as my Father has loved me!

I love you for taking time to read my blog. Thanks.

Obedience at all costs

I've been reading in the book of Ezekiel how the Lord was warning the Israelites of their impending destruction because of their disobedience. It's so easy to get caught up in all that wrath and think that's what God is all about. Judgement and wrath. He is. Yet, He's so much more!!!

The book was written by the prophet Ezekiel who was wholeheartedly, radically, sold out, obedient. Laid on his side for months - because God told him to. Did not speak unless God told him to. Did not grieve for the death of his wife because God told him not to. WOW! That's what I'm talkin' about! Now that's some serious obedience! Am I that obedient? HARDLY!!! Do I want to be? From the depths of my soul I do!!! I want the Lord to be proud of me. I want the Lord to say "You go girl!!!" (yes I believe He talks that way!!!)

I haven't blogged the last couple of days because my lupus is rearing up a bit and my hands have been hurting but today God said for me to talk about obedience and here I am. Sore fingers and all! Obedience at all costs...

I pray that you will have the courage to be obedient. It can be frightening but remember "Greater is He that is in YOU then he that is in the world!" With the Father's help "all things are possible". Even radical obedience!!! Step out...He's there holding your/my hand!!

Remember the Sabbath

It's rainy and dreary here today but oh how Jesus shined in our church this morning!! Our pastor, Dr. Brown, is so amazing. He's changed so much in the 9 years we've been at HGBC and I see changes still today. Some may say he's becoming a bit "sappy" in his old age but let me tell you that his newest vision of "Welcome Home" at our church is awesome!

Today we watched a short video from abc news about their person of the week. It was a Mr. Brady (forgot his 1st name) from Dallas who is a part of an organization that goes to the airport and welcomes home returning soldiers from Iraq and Pakistan. It was very touching especially when Dr. Brown shared about being spit on when he came home from Vietnam!! Anyway, his point is that each week we all face wars. Wars of finances, wars of crime, wars of emotional struggles, wars of anger in our homes, wars on every front. How nice it is to walk in the doors of Hickory Grove and have people - our family - throw their arms around your neck and say "WELCOME HOME"! You've fought another hard week, now sit, rest and worship the One who brought you thru the battle!! WOW!

I have to say that I'm loving my church family more and more every week. I grew up in church my ENTIRE life and loved some of those folks dearly but it's never been like this! I guess that's because I've never loved my Jesus like this! He is my EVERYTHING! He is my LIFE! He is my SAVIOUR! I just can't wait to get to heaven, have Him open up those holy arms of His and finally hear the sweetest sound ever - "Welcome home, child, welcome home"!

WOOHOO it's FRIDAY!!

Even though I don't work outside of my home full time I still just LOVE Fridays!! I think it's knowing I get Jimmy home and the kids here! Plus I think it's knowing how close we are to Sundays!! My FAVORITE day of the week!! And I'm not just saying that. I love meeting at the Lord's house, I love worshipping Him with my family and friends and I love getting my "beef" for the week! LOVE IT, LOVE IT, LOVE IT!!!

God is good and He's peeling so many layers off of me lately. Layers of stuff that had been buried deep or stuff I really hadn't even thought of as sin - I guess I thought it was "just the way I am"! Boy what a ding dong!! Thank you for your patience with me Lord! You certainly have a sense of humor!!!

I pray that all of you have a marvelous, Big G God weekend and that He will show up and show off in Big G ways for you!!! He's waiting. Just ask!!!

A flashing neon sign please!!

Lord today You just keep knocking my socks off! Jimmy got an offer from Wachovia!! HUGE! Of course, it's contingent on passing the drug test, criminal background and credit check. The drugs are obviously not a concern and neither is the criminal check - though there was a mix up on one done on him a few months ago. An arson charge in Ohio with a 2 year sentence in prison while Jimmy was in high school in WV! Obvious identity mix up that got taken care of. But, the credit history - well that's a concern. We lost everything we had in 2002 - home, vehicle - so that may be a problem. Jimmy disclosed this info to them during the interview, but they said they would just have to wait and see. So, Lord, I pray that you'll remove all these potential problems and make this job happen if it's your will for Jimmy.

In the meantime, another company has contacted Jimmy to do Outside Sales with an automotive warehouse distributor. This is RIGHT UP Jimmy's alley! He was in the automotive (parts) business for 18 years and it's what he's always known. The people were very excited about Jimmy - pushed his resume to the "front of the pack". They have a good salary, very good benefits (not quite like Wachovia in some areas), a company car and expense account, just a lot of good perks. Plus, this schedule wouldn't conflict with his church service whereas the Wachovia job would.

Thus, the flashing neon sign request!! Lord, just please let us know which job to take. Let Jimmy have supernatural clarity about which way to go, such clarity that can only be from You. The enemy is making him doubt himself and I pray in the name of Jesus that Satan be bound in all his attempts to make Jimmy question Your lead in His life! Lord, surround Him with your clarity. We know confusion comes from the enemy so we bind his efforts by the blood of Jesus! Thank you Father for providing for us in so many ways. Thank you for blessing me with 9 Kindermusik students again this semester and all the other opportunities with KM. Bless them Lord. I love you Lord and can't wait to see what you have in store for my family!

Rearview mirror

This week in "Breaking Free" by Beth Moore we've been studying generational sin. This is a difficult concept for many of us because we'd just as soon leave those skeletons in their closet. I also think some have a tendency to think that they are going to be punished for something our "fathers" did so they use it as an excuse to say "Why bother?" I've really been learning that the punishment comes when we recognize our father's sins and follow in their footsteps because - after all - it's just the way we are!! Or, it's the way we were raised!

This is where the deceptor does his best work. He makes us think that we have no control over whatever that sin is - anger, unforgiveness, selfishness, racism, whatever - and that we can't change it because it's planted in us. I'm here to tell you that Satan is a LIAR!! We CAN make the change with Christ's help!! He came to free us from the bonds of sin. He wants to set us free simply because He loves us that much! He wants us to have abundant lives not just surviving! Please take a glance in your rearview mirror and if there's anything you see that needs cleaning bring it to the Father, let Him wash you clean and keep driving! Glance back don't focus there!! The Father wants you to be free in Him!

Overwhelmed and at a loss for words!

You know the title for this blog isn't something that happens often for me! I'm not frequently at a loss for words but the Lord has left me speechless so many times in these last few weeks! He is so very good to me! My life - by worldly standards - should be a wreck. My husband doesn't have the greatest job security, his company is preparing for yet ANOTHER merger, we don't own a home and the one we're in is TINY for the 5 of us, we're living basically on the generosity of others, we don't have health insurance, the list goes on and on. YET, here I am telling you that my life is filled with JOY! I mean total and complete JOY!!!!

Yesterday morning was an awesome day of worship but I was a bit distracted because my lupus was showing itself a bit. My hands and feet were SO swollen and there's a lot of walking at my church. 3 kids in 3 different corners of the church. But it was still good. Then on the way to church Jimmy starts apologizing to me for his attitude because he was worried about his job interview last week. I then started quoting Phil 4:6-7 reminding him not to worry but pray. Then after we finished singing we stood there debating whether to come home or stay for the preaching. (unfortunately Sunday's are such a long day for us sometimes we slide out and come home) But God had a divine appointment that we needed to keep last night. You see, the title of Dr. Rummage's sermon was "How to Kiss Your Worries Goodbye" from - you guessed it - PHIL. 4:6-7!!!!!! TOOOOO FUNNNYYYYY!!!

So, at the end of the sermon during the invitation Dr. Rummage invited people to come to altar and leave their worries there for the Lord. For the first time in a VERY long time the atlar at our church was flooded with people! Me, being one of them! After I finished leaving my worries and praying with some friends who were doing the same I stood to go back to my seat and here comes Jimmy down the aisle and I notice he has my son Chase with him!!! Yes, all on his own Chase had prayed to receive Christ Saturday night in his bed and he was ready to come up and make it public!!! I LOST IT!!!!!!!! My baby got saved! Thank you Jesus! I know this happened in spite of me because I'm not the best example but I praise Jesus for calling my baby to Him and that Chase was ready and willing!

Continue to pray for us and for Jimmy's job situation and pray that I will help develop Chase into the man that God wants him to be! Thank you Jesus!

A burden

Father, tonight I come to you with such a burden for my friends. I have a few friends in my life whose marriages are under attack. Lord, I lift them to you. I in the name of Jesus I pray that you will thwart any plans the enemy has to bring them harm or pain. Lord protect these marriages and give them a fresh new desire for You FIRST and then for each other! Lord I love them and I don't want to see the enemy have one single victory in their lives.

Lord thank you for my marriage. Thank you for protecting Jimmy and I and renewing our love for You and for each other. Father give all of us a good night's rest tonight, help us to forgive and FORGET as you have forgiven us Lord. I look forward to coming into your house in the morning and am anxious for a fresh word from you! Thank you for the honor of lifting all my cares on to You! I love you Lord! In the strong and mighty name of Jesus I ask and pray these things. Amen.
Good night!

Happy Valentine's Day

Today is the day of LOVE! Well, let me tell you that I am so in love with Jesus that His love is spilling out of me! I love my man more than I ever thought I was possible of loving someone! I love my kids so much it causes me physical pain to see them hurt! I love my family so much and miss seeing their faces! I love my church so much I just can't wait to get there tonight! I love my God so much that I can't wait to get to heaven and throw my arms around His holy neck and give Him a big old squeeze!

Lord, thank you for the new life You have breathed into my marriage! I praise you for giving Jimmy to me and for keeping our love for each other new and fresh and strong every day! Lord keep any attempts the enemy has to bring us hard from coming to fruition! I pray in the name of Jesus that you protect our marriage and the marriages of all those that I love. I love you Lord and I thank you for your provision, your grace and mercy and for your immeasurable love for me and for Jimmy! Thank you Father! Thank you!

GOD CAN!!!

I'm floating on cloud 9 right now!! Let me just tell ya'll that my God is a Big "G" God who can and will do "immeasurably more than you can ask or imagine"!! He loves to show off when His child asks for something that is in His will for us!

He's made some changes in me that have drawn me closer to Him. He's made some major changes in my husband that are going to change the course of our family - forever! He's met our needs in ways that I can't even begin to describe. Showin off I tell ya! I just love that about Him. All He wants is for us to ask, trust and believe that He will do it and as long as what we're asking goes along with what His purpose for our lives are...He does it!! AMAZING! I pray that you know Him and that you'll take the time to have a relationship with Him!

A new day...A new giant!

Oh my lands I FINALLY saw "Facing the Giants" this weekend. Yes, I'm a bit behind the curve! Oh but was it worth it. What an awesome movie and once again, it was God's perfect timing. Jimmy and I are facing some of our own giants...fear, failure, doubt...this list could go on and on, but God is so much bigger! All He asks is for us to hand them over to Him and let Him take care of them. That's all He asks of any of us! Trust in Him to do it and faith that He will and believe that He is able!! That sentence seems so simple but oh, how hard at times!! He understands but asks "Child, won't you let me do it for you?"

I pray that someone reading this blog will stop and think about their life and give the giants that they face over to Him. Jimmy and I did a bit of surrendering this weekend and I have such a peace today. I'm here to tell you there is JOY in letting go! There is HOPE in serving Jesus and there is FREEDOM in captivity to Christ!!!! Won't you let your giants go too? God loves you and He wants to give you life - abundant life - in His Son Jesus!!

A lost woman...

My heart is heavy today as I hear all the news about Anna Nicole Smith. I don't know anything about her other than the things I've seen on TV but what a pitiful, sad time this must be for those who are close to her. She was so lost. I don't mean to judge whether or not she had ever been saved, not at all, but it's obvious by her lifestyle the last few years that she was searching for something and finding it in all the WRONG places!

The reason I feel so sad for her is because that could've very easily been me! Not necessarily on TV but the same type of lifestyle. There was a time in my life when I turned my back on God and just told Him - "I think I'll try and guide my own life for a while." Boy did I end up on my face! Drugs, alcohol, promiscuity, you name, I did it. God protected me so much, even then, because I was His child, but He couldn't look at me in all my filth! He saved me from death (driving drunk and drugged up), He saved me from drug addiction (uppers mostly), He saved me from jail time(DUI), He saved me from STD's or AIDS! He did that! Not me! I was totally on the same path Anna Nicole was on. In fact, I was actually approached once to become a stripper - which is how she got her start - and the only reason I said no was because He was whispering in my ear even then! Daughter NO!!! Praise His name that was one of the few times I actually listened to His voice!

Finally one morning after partying all night, well really after puking all night, I woke up, looked in the mirror and just said "Who are you?" That very day (it was a Sunday) I went to the nearest church I could find and started falling back in love with my Jesus and falling away from that path I had chosen. Oh, how things could've been different for Anna Nicole. I sat here this morning watching her mother on the news and there were no tears from her. I can't even imagine! How sad. My prayer is that God will make Himself known thru someone to the rest of her family. He is the only source of peace they will have. He is the only one who can turn their lives around. I am proof of that! I am what I am today because God Almighty saw fit to call me by name and set my feet on His path. Do I stumble on the path? Of course! I will until I see His face, but He is always right there picking me up, dusting me off, wiping my tears and saying "Keep walking my daughter! I'm here with you!" I pray that you know my Abba Daddy! If not, please, please contact me or someone you know that does so that we can introduce you to Him. He's waiting...

Wings of eagles...

I'm posting pretty late tonight. I've had a busy couple of days. After an INCREDIBLE time in the House of the Lord Sunday and watching the big Super Bowl at my friend Terry's house Sun. night I had a MOUNTAIN of laundry Monday and had to clean my house because I hosted our BMG (Beth Moore Girls) Bible study today.

Monday I spent some time with the Lord just thanking Him for the honor of leading in worship at my church. My group, "One Voice", sang a song titled "Revelation Song" Sunday morning and the Lord's Presence was all OVER our church! We had the lights down and had a video of "creation-type" scenes and it was AWESOME! How blessed we are at Hickory Grove! Thank you Lord!!

Today, I began searching for a new book in the Bible to begin spending time in. The Lord led me to Ezekiel. I think I still have some obedience issues He's gonna speak to me about. (Imagine that - haha) When I went to the summary of the book of Ezekiel what did I see but a picture of an eagle! (That was a running theme at our Apple Hill retreat) This was after lying in bed last night reading Karen Kingsbury's "A Time to Dance" and there was a whole chapter about eagles. I just love those kind of God stops. Those are times when you know something that's presently happening to you is straight from God. I pray that you'll start looking for those things and STOP calling them "coincidence" or "fate"! NO WAY!

Anyway, I need to go get my young'uns down for the night. (Spoken like a true Southerner) I pray that you'll be more aware of God working in your life as you see Him working in mine! He is good! Good night...

Get out of that courtyard!!!

Today the Lord held up the mirror and said "Take a second look girlie!" I didn't really like what I saw. He's been working on me so much this last week and He's made changes that are evident to me and my family but I found myself slipping back towards the courtyard yesterday.

A friend who has had some VERY difficult financial trouble - not of her own doing - was sharing with me how the Lord is blessing them with a new home. Their moving into a GREAT neighborhood and a HUGE house. While I stood there absolutely THRILLED for her - I truly am! - in the back of my mind I went to "Lord, when will it be my turn?". YUK! I didn't dwell on it and let it go but still had that thought.

This morning He led me to the story of Joseph. I went there to look at how the Lord was with Joseph in prison and thru slavery and all that and yet the Lord had a better agenda in mind. He sent me to the beginning of Joe's story - to the jealous brothers! OUCH! I'm so glad that the Lord stopped me at the edge of the courtyard instead of letting me get all the way in there. Don't get me wrong, I still had some cleansing this morning but at least it was a short trip this time around! Thank you Father for forgiving me and for reminding me that I need to "take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." II Corin. 10:5 (emphasis mine) Not just actions but my thoughts too! I may never be blessed with a HUGE house but Lord I am finding my satisfaction in You, not my square footage! Thank you for growing me Lord! I love you!

The Apple Hill gang!!!

Here's all my girls from the prayer retreat last weekend! What an incredible time getting to know these ladies and spending time with our Abba Daddy! I love you guys and will NEVER forget this weekend!

Worship time!!!

It's been a crazy day today! After my time with the Father this morning I hit the ground running and it's been nonstop ever since! Can anyone relate?

I've only got a second because with all this "doing" I need some "abiding" time! I'm fixin' to turn on some praise and worship music and "get my praise on" with Jesus! I pray ya'll will take the time to do the same!

Lift Him up for He alone is worthy!

What a morning!!!

As I woke up this morning at 5:30am and opened up the windows I saw something that usually makes me very unhappy. It was snowing! Snow in Charlotte means total chaos for this city. Growing up in WV snow isn't that big a deal to me. In fact, it's one of the reasons we left WV. Our last winter there we had 36" of snow, no power for 5 days, no water for 7. It was a MESS!!! But this morning was different.

This morning as I watched the big flakes fall I was immediately reminded of the Israelites while they were in the desert. They would wake up every morning, get their baskets ready and head out to gather their portion of manna. That's a lesson I've been learning - the hard way at times - lately. My portion. God truly is all I need. He will meet EVERY need I have. He has changed my thinking of what my needs really are. Do I NEED Starbuck's grande non-fat caramel latte? No. Is it a nice treat for when I have extra? Sure. What I need is to be in His Word every day, praying for my husband every day, praying for my kids every day! Those are the needs I have. Everything else will just fall into place by His divine provision! It's just like Moses said in Ex 16:15b - 16a "It is the bread the Lord has given you to eat. This is what the Lord has commanded: 'Each one is to gather as much as he needs.'"

Does this mean I go outside, gather up snow and make my family eat it today? Of course not. Will they? Most likely!! haha His Word is the bread of life and I am to get up, and 'eat' as much as I need every day. My prayer is that you'll do the same.
"Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him." Ps 34:8