Hear my cry...

I'm a bit heavy burdened tonight. I am in WV - drove here today for my sweet niece's high school graduation - but didn't make the trip without turmoil. Had an exchange with a love one that quickly led to my feelings being hurt and then my becoming angry.

Thankfully the Lord led me Psalm 34. This chapter runs the gamut on emotions and gives them all to the Lord. My prayer while I'm away is that the Lord will take all these emotions and grant me His peace. That He will fix the situation, mend hurt feelings and ease all tension and grant forgiveness to us both.

I'm SOOOO glad the Lord hears the cry of the afflicted and wants us to bring Him ALL our emotions, the good, the bad and the ugly so that He can heal them in the way only He can!!

Ya'll pray for my sweet niece Rachel. She lost her daddy 3 years ago and I know this has got to be an emotional time for her. She's been thru so much and just loves the Lord with all her heart. She told me today that she has decided to change colleges because she wants to go where her Christian friends are going and not where she will be alone and faced with the "party scene" with no support!! Can you believe that? Oh to have had that discernment when I was 18!! She's a SPECIAL girl and God has something BIG for her life!!! Thanks for lifting her up!! She's a doll!!

Dreams...

I'm gonna give this a try so here goes and if you're reading this and haven't done it yet, consider yourself tagged!!!

What are your dreams? Not things that God has promised you, but things you dream about or things that you whisper in His ear. What are you believing God for? Be bold, Be Honest, Be courageous!

I dream of finally owning our own home.
I dream of that home being just large enough for my kids to have their own rooms and a kitchen big enough to feed them and all their friends.
I dream of having a few Godly couples that Jimmy and I BOTH enjoy being with.
I dream of having a houseful of kids that love the Lord and want everyone to know it!
I dream of making lots of people laugh and leading them in worship.
I dream of those closest to me being SOLD OUT for Jesus and their marriages/families reaping those rewards!

Your turn. Share those dreams.

This is an update to this first list! I have to admit that since I posted this originally I realize how I don't dream big enough for my big G God! So, here's my additional dreams. All of those above are still true however,

I dream of seeing Hickory Grove FILLED in EVERY service and people totally free to worship however they choose!!

I dream of that choir loft full of voices that may not be operatically trained but their hearts so in tune to Jesus that their worship flies to the throne!

I dream of serving under leadership that is UNASHAMEDLY free to worship even if it drops them to their knees!

I dream of dropping to my own knees in worship and not wondering if anyone notices!

I dream of worshipping and not worrying if my shirt looks just right or if my skirt is the right length or am I distracting with my worship - just plain old FREEDOM!!!

I dream of watching my man bang on those drums with the same fervor and passion in service that he used to have! RENEW IT LORD!

I dream of my niece and my nephew having a Godly man in their lives to lead them and not replace their dad but be a loving stepdad to them.

I dream of my mom FINALLY being happy!

Ok, I'll stop now! hahaha

What's in your mirror?

Before I start let me just say that I just LOVE Hickory Grove Baptist Church!! What an AMAZING day of worship! Our North Campus pastor Rev. Steve Livengood brought the Word this morning and what a Word it was!!!

Ok, now to it...

Yesterday was an interesting day for me. A neighbor down the street was having a yard sale and my kids RAN over there first thing, fistfuls of change in hand, to come back with their "treasures". After their 3rd visit and more junk, I mean treasures in hand I decided I should go down and take a look myself. When I figured out whose house it was I was excited to see that it was a Christian family and hoped they may have some Christian fiction books. (disappointed that they didn't)

There were several cars there and the lady of the house was out telling everyone that her children were going on a mission trip this summer and this yard sale was their fund raiser. She said that several family's had donated items (she had a TON of stuff) and that all proceeds were going to cover their trip. It was so great to see these teens out there yard saleing for Jesus! WOW!!

Just when I started to do a bit of braggin' on them it happened. An older woman approached the hostess of the sale and asked if she would take 1/2 price on a pair of flip flops. The hostess then announced - loud enough for all shoppers to hear - that there would be NO deals cut at this sale since she had just explained to us all that the money was for her kids mission trip. (tension started to build) Several shoppers decided to go ahead and leave but my husband and I were stuck between the house and the exit. haha

The older shopper said she didn't think the shoes were worth the asking price to which the hostess replied "Then leave and go to Goodwill. They'll have your pricing there." Needless to say the bickering just went on and on until the older shopper stomped to her car, called the hostess a few choice words (while she was firing her "clean" darts right back) and then the bomb dropped. The older shopper said those words that no one EVER wants to hear "And she calls herself a Christian?". OUCH!

There we were, in the firing zone. I turned and all other shoppers had cleared out and my man and I were stuck. My knee jerk reaction was to run. Then I wanted to run to the older shopper and say "NO, NO, wait!! That's not the way REAL Christians are!!" Then I wanted to look at the hostess and say "WAY TO GO"! Fortunately God held my lips together and then parted the piles of clothes so that my man and I could exit on dry land! teehee

Since that happened I have sat here and thought about the many times I know that people have looked at me and said "And she calls herself a Christian?" OUCH! The jerk, I mean, nice man who took my prime parking spot at the mall. The lady at the drive-thru who had the nerve to forget my straw and napkins! The teller at the bank who has the gall to ask for my driver's license! OUCH INDEED!!!

More than anything it is my prayer that when I walk away from people their response will be "What's with her? I want whatever she's got! Why are you so happy?" Lord don't let me forget that what I do to the least of these I do to you! Don't let me forget that when I see my fellow Christians stumble to take a little glance at the scars on my own knees!! Thank you for your grace and mercy and more than anything else help me show it to EVERYONE I come in contact with!! Remind not to focus on my own reflection but focus on you and merely glance at my own reflection and not to even think of lookin' in anyone else's mirror!!! Thank you Jesus!

NO other life...

This weekend my sweet sister Regina and her fiance Dewayne came to town. This is the first time I've seen them since his sister Cheryl died a few weeks ago. His other sister lives here as well so they're spending most of their time over there but we had a yummy dinner together tonight.

As far as I know, Dewayne says that he has accepted Jesus as his Saviour and I certainly am not sitting in judgement of that statement at all! However I have not heard his sister make any such claim and sitting at the table with them tonight just made my heart break. I mean, burying my sister - can't even BEGIN to imagine it!! I have 2 sisters (both of which are MUCH older than me hahaha) and putting them in the ground - OK I gotta stop! I think you get the point. Anyway, I know that if that day ever comes that my God who has been so faithful to me WILL grant me His eternal peace and comfort.

He's done it before when I walked away and put my daddy, who I had been taking care of for the last 7 months of his precious life, in the ground. He's done it when I lost 2 baby's so I KNOW that He'll sustain me for EVERY passing in my life. But as I looked into the eyes of this family, I didn't see that blessed assurance. I didn't see that hope. I saw emptiness and pain and hopelessness. It was just about more than this "helper" could take. I was moved to tears more than once at the table.

The minute I felt the Lord's nudge to speak to them the enemy would thwart EVERY one of my attempts (typical). Waitress, people at the next table, etc. However, I did invite them to church tomorrow and Regina said she had her church clothes ready, so, I just pray they'll come. He is their ONLY hope. He is their ONLY peace. He is MY ONLY HOPE. He is MY ONLY PEACE. He is MY ONLY JOY!! I tell you from first hand experience, I've tried life without Him, I've tried living to please myself and I can PROMISE you there IS NO OTHER LIFE than life surrendered to Jesus Christ!!! If you don't know this love of my life, please let me introduce you to Him! He's SOOOOO worth it!!!

For Valarie

Ya'll check out my new online Friend Tracy! She is full of herself! haha

No I didn't...

I actually stuck to my guns and did NOT watch American Idol last night! I think I was one of about 15 people in the country that didn't hahaha! I did pass it long enough to see Blake doing his remix of the Bon Jovi song but only watched about 5 seconds of it. Never saw Jordin. I have to admit I was sitting on my hands at times to keep from turning it, but thank goodness I had me some HGTV to watch! LOVE that channel!

Ya'll have to let me know what you thought and what your predictions are. Either one is good but they're NO Melinda Doolittle! hahaha

Quiet the noise...

After my day yesterday God was gracious to give us 8 gloriously uninterrupted hours of sleep! No getting up and running into walls, no kids needing tucked back in, no NOTHING!! Oh He is good!!!! Just what I needed because as soon as my quiet time was over this morning I hit the ground running and this is the first time I've even sat down.

It just cracks me up how God prepares you when you seek Him every day - no let me say every morning! I've always had a real problem with morning devotions because I DO NOT enjoy mornings - never have!! (right Kelley, haha) However, I'm learning more and more that when I seek Him "in the morning" He always gives me what I need.

For example, the first thing I do in the mornings is read from my "God Calling" devotional for that day. Yesterday, with all I went thru, guess what the title for that day was? "Fling It at My Feet"!!! Here's a small passage "Through a mist of care no man may see My face. Only when the burden is flung at My Feet do you pass on to consciousness and spiritual sight." HELLO - did I have some cares to fling God's way yesterday or what?! haha LOVE LOVE LOVE THAT!

Then today's title "Command Your Lord". Have to admit that sounded a bit scary when I first read it, but here's a nugget of today! (This is Jesus talking) "We share the Father's property. You have the same right to use and claim as I have. Use your right. A beggar supplicates. A son, a daughter, appropriates. Small wonder when I see My children sitting before My House supplicating and waiting-that I leave them there until they realize how foolish such action, when they have only to walk into their Home and take." WHOA! BLEW ME AWAY!!!

I was sitting on my patio this morning as I was reading that and then my verses in Habakkuk 3:1-7 and as I sat reading about how I had the RIGHT to claim my inheritance thru Jesus and then vs 2 of Hab. "O Lord I have heard of your fame, I stand in awe of your deeds" I was overwhelmed. We all work so hard. We have jobs whether in the house or out of the house or BOTH. We have jobs at our churches. We have jobs at our kids' schools. We have jobs on jobs on jobs. We are all SOOOO busy. I live fairly close to a major freeway and can hear traffic going by but I'm also surrounded by lots of trees so I hear a lot of birds, geese, ducks, etc. in the mornings. As I sat listening to these two sounds - the beauty of the birds singing, squirrels making that sounds they make (who knows what to call it? haha), geese fliying overhead and even a hawk crying out, I then could hear the noise of traffic. Here's a bit of my journal entry.

"Lord as I sit here basking in the beauty of this sunrise and read these verses in Habakkuk I indeed stand in awe of your deeds! I sit here listening to the NOISE of people busy with their lives but also hear Your creatures busy with Your work and the sound is beautiful. The NOISE of our efforts vs. the beauty of Yours. Lord, everything about You is beauty, is lovely, is peace, is joy! Everything done on our own efforts is loud, smelly, harsh, destructive. Lord thank you for reminding me today that me efforts without Your strength and Your help are disastrous!"

My prayer for you today is that you'll stop and hear the beauty in our Father's creation. Stop and listen. He's trying to get your attention in such a subtle way. Don't make Him turn up the noise to make you notice Him!

ATTENTION PLEASE

Don't you just love it when God starts sending little things to get your attention but then we brush them off for this reason or that? Then he ever so subtly sends a few more things to say "Excuse me, but would you please notice this" but again, we just look the other way or say "In a minute" or whatever.

Well this morning at 4:30am my precious hubby got a great big "MAY I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE" from the Father!! He woke to take care of business and when he got up became so dizzy that he fell over and the wall and dresser stopped him from falling on his face! LITERALLY! (has a nice bump on his forehead to prove it) Long story short - took him to the Dr. and his blood pressure is back up. 158/110 to be exact. With his family history of heart dx and stroke, I was, needless to say, a tad freaked out! After an EKG and some blood work the Dr. started him back on his blood pressure meds, got him on a diet and exercise routine and off that NASTY skoal!!! HATE, HATE, HATE that stuff!!!

I'm grateful my man is smart enough to stop fighting and surrender not just to the Dr. but to the Father as well. I pray that I will be the same way. Ya'll just lift us up as we get his meds right and get him motivated to exercise (of course the little trip into the wall helped with that!) and mostly that he'll make better food choices. Won't hurt me either! Thanks for taking the time to lift my sweet man up!

New day

Ok ya'll. I had my little hissy fit over that sweet Melinda Doolittle and I'm done. heehee I think I was so upset because I didn't think she would make it this far (the REAL singers usually don't) so I had convinced myself she was gonna win it. Guess the Lord has bigger and better things in store for that girl!! All I know is I can't wait to see what it is! You go Melinda! Keep makin' a joyful noise. (as if she's gonna see MY blog hahaha) By the way, did anyone else notice her "Death Cheater" shirt? LOVE THAT!!!

Last night I did receive a special treat though. I got a DVD of our Ft. Jackson retreat from my sweetums Bonita and oh my lands!! I was taken to the throne with the memories of how the Lord showed up and showed off for us! WOW!!! God is soooo good. I went to that retreat fully intending to feed those women with physical food but also to share the wisdom and insight that only I had! Boy, did the Lord have OTHER plans! (seems to be my pattern for the day) I was so busy serving them that I barely got to chat with any of them but NEVER have I felt so used by Him! Totally out of my element (I mean, I LOVE cooking but I LOVE talking even more haha) in the kitchen cooking and cleaning when I'm used to being "in it"! My how the Lord changed my heart that weekend! He is good! (if it seems I say that alot, it's because it's the truth)

Today as I dive into week 2 of "A Woman of Worship" study of the psalms by Dee Brestin (yes I'm steppin out on Beth haha) I can't wait to see what the Lord has in store. I'm finally learning to trust His plan, to wait for His plan and to listen when He tells me to slow down, hold on for His plan! Open the Word girls, there's so much there it'll blow your mind! If you ever thought it was not applicable to your situation - take a second look! I promise He'll amaze you!

WHAT?!!...

Ok ya'll. I confess I was an American Idol junkie but after tonight I am SOOOOOOOO done! Are you kidding me? The absolute BEST singer, hands down, no question, no contest, voted off?

Oh well, I guess God knows the battle her faith would have if she was given the title American IDOL! Not a title I think she would want when she stands before Him.

All I can say is, as a singer with just a SMIDGEN of talent, she does things that are well...AMAZING and I pray the Lord blesses her in ways that knocks the socks off all those people who voted her out!

All I know is this, when I get to heaven I wanna be HER backup singer for Jesus!!! WAHHHOOOOOO Melinda Doolittle!!!!!

In The Sanctuary

Gotta say YES LORD!!

Just like Jesus...

New hymn today

"It's just like Jesus to roll the clouds away. It's just like Jesus to keep me day by day. It's just like Jesus all along the way, it's just like His great love."

Don't ask my why these old hymns are coming to my mind so much lately, but I'm grateful that my daddy was a choir director and I was in the choir before I was born - literally! My momma was an alto! haha I was back in the choir at 2 weeks old and have been ever since! What a gift from God!

Anyway, since I've been a bit melancholy the last few days I decided to start my day praising and singing after my quiet time and I've had an awesome day thus far. (even going to teach my music class!) I think that's why this song has been in my head/heart today. It is just like Jesus to drag me from the slopes of a pit and put a new song in my heart - even if it's an old song!

Ya'll share some songs that come to your heart/mind and let's do some praisin'! Old or new, I love them all!!!

Weary.....

Just typing that word brings a heaviness on my soul. I tell ya that there are some days I wake up and my body lets me know it's gonna be a fight (the joys of Lupus). I'm so thankful that God promised to be my portion for that day!! He is good. I have to confess, though, that there are days when I'm not quite as "spiritual" and I just wanna sit around and mope and whine about being tired of the battle raging in my body, the battle raging in my spirit and the battle raging in my mind!! The latter being the greater!!

The enemy KNOWS my weakness - he KNOWS how much I love a pity party and he LOVES to try to get one started. He's been doing that to me the last couple of days. My body's not feeling so great - just adjusting to climate changes I think - our finances are well, still tough and my kids have been exceptionally testy this past week! Not to mention with Jimmy's new job schedule I have more "on me" then I've ever had with all 3 kids. See what I mean - just listing all that makes me wanna switch to my whinerschnitzel voice! haha

But then God in His gracious compassion and unfailing kindness sends me a Word thru His servant Dr. Stephen Rummage yesterday from Ps 3. "But You, O Lord, are a shield about me, My glory and the One who lifts my head. I was crying to the Lord with my (whinerschnitzel) voice, And He answered me from His holy mountain. I lay down and slept; I awoke; for the Lord sustains me." insertion mine - haha

I'm so grateful that God cares about ALL my emotions! He delights in my praise and worship but He also cares enough to listen to my whining!! My girlfriend has a "NO WHINING" sign in her office and it cracks me up but I'm sooooo grateful God has no such signage around the throne! What He wants is relationship and obedience. He wants me to take Him my whining then listen for and TO His answer and then DO IT! I'm reminded of my daddy's favorite song - the one he asked me to sing at his funeral - so I thought I'd share it with you. PLEASE sing along if you know it!

"I would love to tell you what I think of Jesus, since I've found in Him a friend so strong and true. I would tell you how He changed my life completely. He did something that no other friend could do.

No one ever cared for me like Jesus. There's no other friend so kind as He. No one else could take the sin and darkness from me. Oh how much He cares for me!"

"The Lord you God is in your midst, a victorious warrior. He will exult over you with joy, He will be quiet in His love, He will rejoice over you with shouts of joy." Zephaniah 3:17

Happy Friday

My prayer is that today you will see God in His creation, you'll hear Him in the quiet minutes of your day, you'll smell Him with the breeze and that you'll take time to notice that He's trying to get your attention!

I pray that I slow down enough today to do the same.

The REAL me...

Today I stopped at the LPM blog and was once again touched with a fresh Word from God thru His servant Beth Moore. If you've never been there, child, you need to check it out!! http://www.livingproofministries.blogspot.com

Anyway, she talked about being authentic (among many other things) and it was so refreshing to see someone of her "caliber" admit that she doesn't have it together. Imagine that? Beth Moore doesn't have it together! I know, mind boggling! Anyway, it kinda prompted me to confession as well! haha

If you've been around me for more than 5 minutes it's obvious I DON'T have it together, however, I know that because people around my church see me up on the platform leading worship there's a "perception". If anyone from my church is reading this PLEASE let me assure you that I ABSOLUTELY do not have it all figured out!! As far as worship goes, I'm just trying to be a vessel and don't get that right most of the time. I've stepped on my skirt and almost rolled down the steps, I've stepped out my shoes on more than one occasion, I've gotten dizzy during prayers and almost fallen over, I've messed up words, I've hit WRONG notes, and that's just the beginning!! All I can tell you is that I love Jesus and I'm giving Him the best this cracked vessel can give.

I pray that when I'm leading worship or when I'm writing on this blog or serving my man, or raising my kids or teaching my music classes or whatever I'm doing, that above ALL else God will be glorified!!! That is my intention! That is my goal! Anyone, willing to take off the mask with me? Anyone ready and willing to go there? To drop the charade? Let's do it sista's! Let's FINALLY get rid of it and let God get the glory He deserves! Anyone ready?

Where from here...

I've started reading Habakkuk and only made it to verse 5 of the 1st chapter yesterday which says "For I am going to do something in your days that you would not believe, even if you were told." Now I know God was giving "Baky" a promise about the deliverance of the people from the Babylonians, but let me tell you the Lord gave me a Word for my life.

I think about all that's happened/is happening in my life and I KNOW and BELIEVE that the Lord is doing something that is UNBELIEVABLE to me! I just can't hardly wait to see what it is. Then today I made it to verse 3 of the 2nd chapter which says "For the revelation awaits an appointed time..it will not prove false. Though it linger, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay." Does that hit anyone like it does me? Somebody wants to say "There is a God in heaven"! God is promising me that He will reveal His plan for my life. All He asks of me is to wait, trust Him and wait.

Now please don't think I'm "spiritual" enough to tell you that yes I can wait - I can't! I want to know NOW!! I want direction NOW!! I want clarification NOW!! Boy does that sound like my 4 yr old! God isn't sitting up there withholding things to torment me or make me angry, but He's simply creating His Divine Special Effects on my life! (Right Beth Moore girls?)

He is so good, ya'll! I mean really good! It's taken me a LONG time to figure out that He truly wants to give me abundant life, but I'm the one that keeps getting in His way and messing up His plan. If I can be still long enough to KNOW that He is God, He'll work. He'll move. He'll fix it. He'll make it better! Now that I FINALLY get that I feel like a 100 lb weight has been lifted from me! I'm FREE! INDEED! I pray that you know His blissful freedom. Not drudgery servitude but FREEDOM people!!!

"Take the shackles off my feet so I can dance, I just wanna praise You, I just wanna praise You. You broke the chains now I can lift my hands and I'm gonna praise You, I'm gonna praise You!" (you know you were singin along! teehee)

No not one!

Since all this with Cheryl has been going on God has planted an old hymn in my mind to bring me some comfort. "There's not a friend like the lowly Jesus, no not one, no not one" I won't sit here and type the whole song but as I think about Cheryl's family and the sorrow they must be feeling compounded by the fact that they don't know my Friend, well I can't even imagine.

I've known loss. I lost 2 babies - one in 2000 and one in 2003. I lost my Daddy to brain cancer in 2002. I lost my grandfather - the only grandparent I ever had in 1998. I've known loss yet thru it all I NEVER lost hope. I can't even begin to imagine facing life without my Jesus. He is my Rock, my Solid Ground, my Security. He is my Friend, my Comfort, my Peace and so much more. I pray that all of you know Him, not just as your life insurance policy but as your Friend that you talk to daily, that speaks to you daily! He's waiting...

Latest...

It's over. Cheryl was taken off life support around 11:00 last night. Please just continue to pray for her family and for my sister. Death is something we're all familiar with but when it's sudden and unexpected it just seems to catch you totally off guard.

I can't begin to imagine burying one of my sisters or my brother so if anything I pray that this tragedy will cause us all to look at our relationships and forgive what needs forgiven, forget what needs to be forgotten and do our best to love on each other while we are here. That's the example left by Jesus and it's one I plan to try and follow. It's not always easy but with God ALL things are possible. Even loving the unlovable. After all, look how much He loved us!!

Update

The Dr's have declared Cheryl "clinically" brain dead and are going to do one more brain scan to confirm. They will then be disconnecting her life support later today.

Please pray for God's peace to reign over this family and for Him to reveal Himself mightily to them. Thank you for your prayers.

Need your prayers

My sister Regina has been thru it in the last 2 1/2 years. Her husband of 20 years died at home and she's been thrust into "widowhood" at 44 and raising 2 teenagers alone! In these last couple of years she has met another great guy who is CRAZY about her and asked her to marry him this past Christmas. Talk about whirlwind!

Anyway, her man is Dewayne and his sister from Columbia, SC was visiting this weekend when she dropped over from a heart attack. SHE'S 43 PEOPLE!!! HEART ATTACK!!! Regina and Dewayne were there with her and started CPR immediately, however she had a 100% blockage in one and an 80% in another artery so the Dr's aren't sure how effective it was. So now, Cheryl is alive but as of noon today is still not responding. They've done an EEG to determine if there's any neurological damage. Please pray for her and pray for all her family. She is married but has no kids. Her husband, mother, father, sister and Dewayne all need your prayers as does Regina.

Thanks for taking the time to lift Cheryl up and I'll keep you posted.